I was just washing dishes and thinking about Katy and I’s relationship and I recalled the single best piece of marriage advice we’ve ever gotten. This piece of advice saved us several times and has really helped us work together. The advice came from Jim and Amy Carlile when we were engaged. They told us to watch out for the miserable married people who want you to be miserable also, watch out for patterns like saying “the wife”, etc. They summed it up with the simple approach… “just be cool”. Hell yeah. That’s probably the generation X way of saying the golden rule or something, but I know for my part there have been many times I took a breath and said “just be cool” to myself and stopped whatever petty stupid behavior I was in the middle of. It has been the best marriage advice ever.
So, to make this post blog-like for the five people who actually read it, what’s the best advice you’ve ever gotten?
Even though we’ve only been “part-time” parents (we spent 4+ hours a day at the NICU visiting, feeding, changing) for the first 5.5 weeks of Ona’s life, it’s easy to see what kind of changes are on the way for us. A lot of people will probably read this and think “what a jerk” or “how dare he think that about his baby, babies are the bestest things ever and there is nothing even remotely bad you can say about them”. But, whatever, this isn’t about them.
First, my brain has gone partially retarded. Maybe I’m thinking about Ona all the time, maybe I’m stressed, maybe nature just said “you’re a Dad now, time to dumb you down” (sorry, Pop). Whatever the cause, I have noticed two huge changes: (1) I have zero concept of time and (2) I have no memory what-so-ever. Ona was born nearly 6 weeks ago, that I know. And I also know most of the things that have happened in that time frame (like our kitchen was completed and our gigantic dead tree was chopped down), but I couldn’t tell you if it was yesterday or four weeks ago. Seriously. The tree, I think was this week and the kitchen I think was two weeks ago. If I found out they were both four weeks ago, I’d not be surprised in the least. As for memory, did I take the trash out this week? I dunno. It’s not piled up, so I must have (it’s my job and Katy loathes it, so I’m sure she didn’t do it). Tasks that I’m sure I’ve done, I have no memory of actually doing. Weird.
Another change is an obvious one, but is still interesting. Our weekends will never be the same. Not in the stupid “you’ll never sleep again” kind of way that every donkey parent likes to blab on and on about, but more in the “wait, the weekend is over?” kind of way. We’ve not even had her home and every one of the last five weekends (some of them long, thanks to holidays) have felt like they were 10 minutes long. No more “sit around and do nothing” going on… which, for me, makes the weekend feel long. I’m ok with that, though, and I’m sure it’s just something to get used to.
As for the “you instantly change, there is an overwhelming bond, blah blah” stuff that people talk about? Well, that’s not happened. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ona a ton, even though I barely know her. I’d murder anybody who tried to hurt her, but there is no magical extra-human wicked bond going on. I’m sure there are people out there who would pity me for not feeling it, but well, they know what they can kiss because I couldn’t care less about their unicorns. Hehe, I just went off, didn’t mean to do that, I just have had enough of the drama and pressure people like to throw at new parents.
I’m sure there are plenty more changes on the way for us, ranging from awesome to poopy (hehe, this morning, she projectile poo’d before she left the NICU, it was quite impressive). Katy and I’s relationship is awesome and I’m convinced it’ll get more awesome as we learn to be parents together. For now, I hope people will finally stop saying “sleep now” or slinging unsolicited advice or pressure pushing their own agendas. See, being a Dad didn’t make me less of a hater. 